Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?