There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks