Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.