Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
