well most of my day revolves around power hour
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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