In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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