I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
