I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
