lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
