I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
