Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
vagina is talking i cant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
