I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
