suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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