Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
