And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
