We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
