Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
