dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
