I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
