JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
