i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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