I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We don't watch enough power rangers
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
