he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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