Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
