She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
