i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
