You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
