I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
