just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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