worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
