The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
