Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize