i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
