Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your penis caused this!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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