I think I just saw someone hide a body.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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