Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
