I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i drank out of a bidet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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