I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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