your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
