4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
