A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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