Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
