Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
