smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
