i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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