youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
