And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
