my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
