When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
