Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
