I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My life is pants optional.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
