he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
