wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
