This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
