I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
