She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
