woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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