im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
