I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
