So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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