i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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