You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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