I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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