I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
