i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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