I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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