I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
