He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When are your genitals available?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
