he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
