umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
