I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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