Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
