So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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