he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
