rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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