cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
