I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
