I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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