just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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