The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
