Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
